Live-Blogging: 4th of July on Reitz Hill

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Well, the foot of the hill, at any rate. Time for our annual holiday BBQ! After shoveling dead beetles out of the front windowsill in expectation of guests, it’s on to personal preparation–I am wearing “Gunmetal Gray” eyeshadow, in honor of all the gunpowder that will be deployed tonight (not by us, I hasten to add), and “Watermelon Pink” lipstick, in honor of watermelon.

Rom bashed his hand with a sledgehammer, so that’s out of the way.

We have been preparing to the soundtrack of WABX radio: “EVANSVILLE’S ONLY CLASSIC ROCK STATION! AND CLASSIC CALL LETTERS!” No, sorry, they’re not. And I know whereof I speak, since my stepfather was a radio DJ, and worked at many stations. WLS/Chicago is classic. WABX can’t even be made into a cutesy slogan.

Ad on the said WABX: “For job-training, text JOB–that’s J-O-B–to…” As Rom said, if you have to be told how to spell “job,” you don’t have much of a future.

Most of the radio ads today are telling us to use their products responsibly. Because who could imagine setting off fireworks while drunk might cause a problem?

“Rock and roll never forgets”–Bob Seger

My version: “Rock and roll never forgives.”

Rom’s version: “Rock and roll can’t even remember.”

Kiss wants us to Rock and Roll All Night and Party Every Day. I don’t believe that’s a sustainable way of life.

In other music news, Yes continues to suck.

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Um, why set off fireworks during the day? Obviously your World Leader needs to work on regulations for this area, or at least go glare at the people up on the Reitz lot.

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Water balloons have been brought. But no one would dare throw one at me, right?

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I’d already consumed my supply of apple ale (brought by Nick previously in exchange for a garage door opener battery, because he is too feeble to open a garage) for this vacation, so Sister Elizabeth let me have one of hers! Hurray! I’ve already been transgressive by eating Doritos scoops BY THEMSELVES, without salsa, because salsa looks like puke.

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Almost all our guests have gone. 2 praying mantises were spotted–size, small and smaller. Small children were told you shouldn’t whack a set of wind chimes JUST AS HARD AS YOU CAN, thank you very much.

For the record, I was not one of the people who daintily cut a chunk of meat into thirds and only put part of it on their plate. I was all in.

I managed to avoid spilling said meat in my lap.


Crisis in Progress, Really?! division:

I am not the person to yell at if you dislike the fireworks laws.

–“It’s legal? Even if it sets my house on fire?” Actually, even if it did set your house on fire, that would not retroactively make it illegal. Another woman, having been told by my colleague 911SK that it was legal until 11:30 through July 9th (WHY?), said, “I want officers to drive through my neighborhood and make them think it’s illegal.” She actually thought that was her right as a taxpayer.