Scratchy Glitter

Observations for the easily irritated.

Tag: traffic

Day 16: Unrelieved Complaining

S.G.’S 16TH POST, 3/31/13–Holy Week: Easter Vigil

–I complain about traffic.

–I complain about littering.

–Hardee’s current slogan about eating like you mean it was newly introduced.


Why must there be an inflatable Santa down the street from my house? Those things are ugly when inflated, and even uglier when flaccid.

Splendid Isolation

Why have I not posted? If I got nothing to say, my lips are sealed, as David Byrne so wisely tells us in “Psycho Killer.”


–I am implacably opposed to this weather. I prefer not to worry about slipping and getting killed every time I venture out the door. Every day is an adventure, and you know how I feel about those.

–I overheard a guy on the bus saying, “I’m going to decorate my bathroom all in Packers. I already ordered my toilet seat cover and night light.” Sports Teams–Helping People Decide On Decorating Schemes For…oh, I don’t know know how long. I’m just tickled there’s a night light available.

–I was at Walgreen’s, getting Rom’s Valentine’s Day presents (the theme this year is A Bunch of Cheap Crap–but carefully-chosen cheap crap!), and overheard a song that said, “My hands are bleeding and my knees are raw, ’cause I never met a girl like you!” Sounds like just another day of me dispatching, right, Nick? It does what it’s told, as the old saying goes.

Speaking of police officers and what they must endure, Nick & Sam dealt with a crazy guy who kept saying he was a six-star general in the Russian army. They must be running out of stars over there.

Also speaking of officers and what they have to put up with, I saw a sentiment on Facebook to the effect that, “If you followed a police officer for one day {first off, stop following them, it’s very annoying!}, you would be amazed by the depressing and upsetting things they see. You probably wouldn’t want to follow them for a second day {especially since  they’d start getting suspicious by that point}.” Certainly this is often true (although there are also days when the most depressing and upsetting thing they see all day is the interior of the squad car and their partner’s face), but the strange thing is, there are all kinds of people (scratch that–there’s only one kind of person, namely, adrenaline junkies) who volunteer to ride along with them. How crazy is that?

Also speaking of officers and poking them with a sharp stick…


LET’S GET SERIOUS! (cue the stampede for the exits)

The police chief recently wrote an article in the department’s in-house newsletter, concerning the body cameras that officers will shortly be wearing. He pointed out that officers tend to complain about innovations, but eventually adjust, and then can’t imagine doing the job without said innovations. I have noticed that when the computer goes down. I have also noticed it among my own co-workers. When we first got computers, the people who complained about them most bitterly eventually became the ones who complained most bitterly if they had to work without them. (For the record, Your Humble Narrator was one of the complainers, but I wasn’t in the “most bitterly” category. I had other topics to complain about, like how having to wear a uniform would impede my right to express my individuality through fashion.) And, now that I think about it, you can see this about people in general. When Lloyd Expressway has to be closed for some reason, people whine and cry as if they’ve forgotten any other way to get across town. And speaking of highways we once did without, I would like to personally remove 164. Its only function, as far as I can determine, is to provide an opportunity for people to slide off when the weather is bad.

Have I gone on long enough yet? I was planning to finish off strong with something amusing, but nothing more comes to mind, so you’re on your own.



Repressing the Irrepressible

Remember when I offered helpful tips for officers?

Avoid, when given a run,

Clear, from Barker & Ray Becker,” in huffy annoyed tone. I very nearly answered, “Barker and Ray Becker? I’ve been there quite a bit myself.” And nearly got barred from that convenience store, too.

Anyway, my supervisor and blog-follower muttered, “He didn’t get your memo.” Well, that would be because this blog is not required reading for officers. And shouldn’t it be? Besides being entertaining and informative, it would boost my readership out here in Free Contentland (there’s a good blog title!) by 10x!(Free Contentland is made possible by the fact that writers write because they have to, so you don’t even have to give them money. This is an Inescapable Fact. I know this because I’ve tried to escape it for years.) And I suck (to use a technical term) at self-promotion, so mandatory readership is the only solution.

“But–but” you all are clamoring (or at least I think you are, it might just be voices in my head), “tell us how you almost got barred from a convenience store! You’re so quiet and well-behaved, we can’t imagine such a thing happening!” Well, that would be because the convenience store soda machine at Barker/Becker was ancient and usually  produced flat soft drinks, so I got in the habit of running just a bit into my cup and tasting it to see if it was OK before I would buy it, and they told me to quit that. They did eventually fix it, so shop with confidence.

Memo to the guy in the white pickup at Franklin & St Joe yesterday: Before you floor it to whip around that corner, CHECK TO BE SURE THERE’S NO ONE IN THE CROSSWALK, KTHXBYE! If you had hit me, Nick would have been the investigating officer, and he would have cried.

I haven’t been posting that often lately (see Ideas, Shortage Of). Peaked early, didn’t I? Good thing this isn’t my job! But I have a topic for tomorrow that promises to be entertaining and informative and stuff, so stay tuned!

Holy Week: Easter Vigil

The recto of Rylands Library Papyrus P52 from ...

The recto of Rylands Library Papyrus P52 from the Gospel of John. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness could not overcome it.”–John 1:5

Somewhat Amusing Observations:

–If you’re waiting to turn right from a side street (in this case, W. Virginia) onto a busy thoroughfare (in this case, N. St Joe), do not stick your snout so far out that not only Your Humble Narrator (who is merely a pedestrian, and therefore of no account) but the northbound traffic has to swerve to keep from whacking you. Where are the cops when you need them?

–The new slogan of Hardee’s is “Eat Like You Mean It.” I can add to that, “And Leave Your Empty Cups At The Bus Stop.” (I mean that I saw them there, not that I left them there myself. In case A Certain Someone thinks I’m confessing to littering.) (Of course, if I was such a good citizen, I’d have picked them up and put them into the trash can at the liquor store, which was not that far away.)



Mildly Amusing Adventures: Everybody’s Traffic

Traffic light button

Traffic light button (Photo credit: martintom)

In my effort to educate and inform, I call you all together, so sit down and shut up. Laurie, stop visiting with your neighbor. (Do teachers still say that? It was the formal version of “talking to the kid at the next desk.”) Nick, stop running around the room pretending you’re an airplane. NOW. Remember, bad boys get spanked.

**writing EVERYBODY’S TRAFFIC on old-timey green chalkboard**

You know how you go somewhere and when you get there, you complain about the traffic? “The traffic was terrible. All these people thought they had to be out on the road today.” Well, YOU WERE ONE OF THEM! “The roads are full of idiots/maniacs/@$$holes, they drive me crazy!” Well, didn’t you just tell us *you* were speeding/honking your horn at someone, etc.? So, you were someone else’s annoying traffic experience. Your Humble Narrator and other pedestrians are also Traffic in this sense. That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, that’s me jaywalking. In front of a squad car. (They waved.)

The principle of Everybody’s Traffic works in all sorts of social situations. You have to go to a holiday dinner with your annoying and/or boring relatives? You may be someone else’s source of boredom or annoyance. (Hell, I might be boring and/or annoying my relatives at this moment! I know I was a bossy big sister.)

Remembering that everyone is someone else’s Traffic has helped me at least try to be a little less annoying. If I have to call a business for something, I try not to be the sort of caller I’d hate to get at work. (So far I have managed not to scream at anyone, but I haven’t always managed to suppress the Heavy Sigh, which I hate to hear from anyone else.)

I imagine by now you all are so tired of being lectured you’re ready to, oh, I don’t know, hit me over the head with something. So I will leave you with 2 observations unrelated to the above:

–Not Annoying: Tanya, thanks for the ride, and the helpful beverage management, since I apparently can’t handle a Thornton’s drink and a seatbelt at the same time.

–Not Boring: Rabecca, on said ride, I noticed a pair of shoes thrown over a wire, I forget exactly where. Remember when we read/heard that means you can buy drugs in that area? And we wondered how do you find the drugs, or let someone know you want to buy them? That probably explains the guy standing on the corner in a high-crime area.

%d bloggers like this: