Scratchy Glitter

Observations for the easily irritated.

Tag: music

Against Everything

“There’s an improved way to post on WordPress.” No, there isn’t, just a newer way. It is unfamiliar, therefore I fear it.

Faced with an expectant FanBase, I am forced to admit I do not have the cashmere sweaters in hand as yet, so no picture has been taken. I am also bemused by the varied reactions to my appearance in general. A guy who works at Thornton’s said, “You’re the last person I’d expect to have a snake tattoo,” while others seem to think a cashmere twinset is equally unlikely, so perhaps my personal style is not as well-defined as one would hope. Well, as would hope. I try.


I forgot to mention, reading my 4th post in Feb. ’13 (called “Trifecta” something, it’s all a blur)–I was basking in compliments as a new blogger (well, ASIDE from the fact that I invented the blog in 1990, and I’m going to keep mentioning that, so get used to it), and someone asked, Why am I not a newspaper columnist? The short answer is that the paper already has Jon Webb and Stan Levco. The long answer is that I’m autistic. (Doesn’t seem like a long answer? Watch me.) I actually had some professional connections in my youth, since my stepfather was in broadcasting, but I was no more able to network than I was able to fly through the air by flapping my arms. (To give you an idea–I worked at a factory for a couple years, and, after calling me into the office to ask if there were “any problems they should know about,” a question which baffled me, they moved me to a department where I could work by myself, since other people had been complaining about me, for reasons They wouldn’t reveal. And yes, I showered every day. So you can see how networking might be a problem.) I might have more of a clue now that I’m older, but I can’t guarantee it. How does one get started writing professionally these days?

Speaking of compliments, I was discussing the tooth fairy with Nick. Aside from the fact that inflation will get us all (I only got a dime or a quarter from the tooth fairy–something silvery and disc-shaped, at any rate), I remarked that kids must sleep more soundly than adults, since someone sticking their hand under my pillow now would probably wake me up. He said, “Probably not. I’m sure you sleep suspended from the ceiling upside down, wrapped in a cocoon of your own wings.”

And speaking of that ancient post–I really regret the demise of the WordPress feature that would recommend illustrations based on words you typed. (Well, except when my post title was “Spiders and Dead Bodies.”) You can sign up for illustration services, but they work by sending hundreds of pictures to your email inbox, and who has time to sift through those? Not me, I’m almost famous.

And speaking of fame (the title of this post should have been “Raging Segues”), the soundtrack at McDonald’s today included “The One I Love” by R.E.M., a song which proves that people only listen to the first 2 lines of anything. This is a popular romantic request number on radio stations, BUT–

“This one goes out to the one I love

This one goes out to the one I left behind


Anyone see a problem with that? It’s about casual sex on the road, hard though it may be to imagine R.E.M. engaging in the practice. Unlike, say, the Sour Neon Crawlers, with their army of groupies.



Stopgap Measure

Yeah, I said I’d do restaurant reviews, but I had to get up early today, by which I mean 10:30, and I don’t feel like doing anything that organized.  So instead there’s this.

I got up early to attend the Assumption Mass at noon, and the deacon came over to me and said they had no one to do the Scripture readings, and asked me to assist. So I got to tell the congregation about a dragon with seven heads and ten horns (trust me, it’s allegorical), which always makes me wonder how the horns are allocated among the heads. It’s like the old hymn “Crown Him With Many Crowns”–after all, He only has one head. Unlike the dragon.

All theology aside, I forgot to mention that at Nick’s party the other day, I mentioned that I was still halfheartedly considering getting another tattoo, and he said eagerly, “Why not? It would have ‘Nick’ in it somewhere, right?” I’m surprised he didn’t insist it should be spelled out “Nicholas.” I’d love to get a temporary tattoo like that, show it to him (without telling him it’s temporary), and watch him blush and stammer.

Another thing I should do is get a Sour Neon Crawlers t-shirt made, and when someone asks me what it means, say, “It’s a band! Haven’t you ever heard of them?” and see how far I could go with it. Come to think of it, that sounds like a movie premise. If I have so many ideas, why aren’t I rich?

Well, I’ve been trying to get to bed earlier, by which I mean 3:30 instead of 4, but I’ve already screwed that up by trying to think of ways to annoy A Certain Person on Facebook. And I still have to pay the water bill. Speaking of, well, stuff, Time magazine had an article, “Solar Eclipse May Unite Divided America.” Because whatever our differences, we all like staring at the sun.

A Timely Reminder

…My RETIREMENT PARTY occurs tomorrow! Yes, I’ve been retired for 2 weeks already, but I won’t feel completely-retired until then. Now I’m just “newly retired.” It’s like how long it takes after your wedding before you’re no longer “newlyweds.” And there will be a Social Page post after the party, if I survive it and remember anything.

One thing we need not fear is a visit from Nick, who had a prior commitment to perform in the rain at Disney World. “Too bad,” said Rom, “he could have done the stripper-cop thing.” “Hmm,” said Nick when I told him this, “I’d actually thought of that when I left my hotel room today.” It’s a bit pitiful to think of him fantasizing about performing at a party he can’t go to, but he doesn’t see as much of me as he’d like.

OK, since paranoia springs eternal, I am now imagining my (former) colleagues thinking, “PARTY? Oh no, we forgot!” or, conversely, all showing up at the restaurant without me.

Oh, and there is no karaoke facility at this venue, so “House of the Rising Sun” will have to go forever unsung. I’m not about to perform it without accompaniment. Perhaps A Certain Person will treat us to her a capella rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody” instead.


Piece of junk mail received–“Enclosed: Your Death Benefit and Walmart Savings Certificate.” Yes, one benefit of death is that there will be no Walmart. And who thought those things would go together? Is Walmart now providing funeral services?


I have a 33 oz. bottle of shampoo that I opened round about Inauguration Day. It occurred to me that Trump might be gone before I finish this bottle. I will keep you posted on its progress. I wash my hair every day, but it’s Suave Daily Clarifying, and only a small amount is required, so it’s anybody’s guess. Perhaps I should take bets. I will illustrate the process on Facebook, if I ever get my phone photo-link to Facebook fixed. It’s not worth waiting a long time on hold for. Unlike Nick, who waited OVER TWO HOURS to get on a ride at Disney World. No ride is worth two hours of my time. Of course, Disney World isn’t worth my time, either. Enormous crowds! Things with big heads! Hotels with “themes”! Sounds like Walmart, except Walmart is easier to get out of.



Day 3: Where the Rubber Meets the Road

…in other words, posting when I don’t reeeally have time, since I have to get up early for church, and then go to work–a “day of rest,” indeed. But there remains When the Bullet Hits the Bone, which will be the title I’ll use if I’m posting when I’m sick.

S.G. 3rd post, 2/25/13–Let’s Get Serious: World Without End

…being the story of how I got religion, if anyone needs a refresher course on that.

Also sorta worthy of notice from that post–

–S.G. starts showing up on Google searches–much sooner than the 6 weeks they told me it would take!, and…

The individual referred to as “Lisa” in the first couple of posts is now known as A Certain Person.


…on the obnoxious country station they had on (at one point, you could actually hear the employees scuffling over the dial–there was a sudden spike in volume, then the country changed to the slick dance pop they {and everyone} usually play these days):

“Now it might be it’s a little too early to know if this’ll work

Right now all I gotta say is, you look good in my shirt.”

And what does that type of thinking lead to? This:

“My baby daddy just broke out the window of my apartment, and chased out the guy I just met that I was chillin’ with. And the guy I was chillin’ with still has my car keys.”


Itching–nature’s sign that it’s now OK to pick at it. Except it isn’t yet. Evolutionarily, we need to refine our timing on that one.




Crisis in Progress/Mildly Amusing Adventures Duo

I was asked if I’d written an Easter post. I did not, basically because I thought my Easter Eve quote from John’s Gospel said it better than I could, and if you think the Gospel of John is a bunch of bull$hit, I don’t know what to tell you.

Moving from heavenly things to those of earth–the thing I was most surprised to learn when I started working with police officers is that they can be whiny and gossipy, and they can get scared in dangerous situations. In other words, they’re human beings! With real feelings and stuff! This makes it all the more amazing that they actually volunteer to drive toward, and not away from, these situations, like when I tell them, “Go over there and see if there’s really a tornado”–although that usually leads to a plaintive message, “What am I supposed to do about it if there is?” I don’t know, fire your gun at it and see if that deflates it. And, because Nick is waving his hand wildly and about to fall out of his chair, I will also say that the fact that dispatchers, too, are whiny and gossipy should come as a surprise to no one. So, in this spirit of mutual respect, let me just say to the ladies and gentlemen of law enforcement that if I send you somewhere, and you respond, “Clear, from **whatever location is at the farthest point away from the run**” (secret meaning–“Send someone else”), I am going to answer, “Clear, from 1331 Harmony Way” (secret meaning–“I don’t care, just go”). I swear, someday I will.

And now for the Mildly Amusing Adventures section: Since the Internet is all about over-sharing, I’m sure my FanBase wants to know that when I went to Walgreen’s today, I purchased toothbrushes, soap and deodorant for Rom (Old Spice Swagger, since he’s the swaggering sort), shampoo, and a product with packaging which states, “Advanced silicone technology! Ideal for water play!” Although the idea of “advanced technology” for the product in question is intriguing, I don’t know what “water play” is, and I’m afraid to Google it to find out. My FanBase should also know that my selected songs for in-shower karaoke last night were Simon & Garfunkel’s “I Am A Rock” and the Who’s “Sea and Sand” from Quadrophenia, and I rate my performance on those as a B+.

Book of Kells, Folio 292r, Incipit to John. In...

Book of Kells, Folio 292r, Incipit to John. In principio erat verbum. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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