Scratchy Glitter

Observations for the easily irritated.

Tag: mental-health

Spiders & Dead Bodies

Severe Mental Illness

Severe Mental Illness (Photo credit: homelesshub)

–That’s what Nick said our ridealong would consist of–“Nothing but spiders and dead bodies.” I’ll be staying in the squad car, then. Perhaps I’ll teach myself to drive.

I know one way not to drive–we received a report of a guy driving and sticking his arms out of the car windows. Oddly, this apparently caused him to swerve.

Speaking of vehicles, we also received a report of a stolen “Corn Pro” trailer. I’m guessing it was stolen by professional corn. And what would corn need a trailer for? I’m guessing it would be loaded with spiders and dead bodies. Dead corn bodies, one hopes. Baby corn bodies, and lots of them–after all, the growing season is over.

Theoretically, I am not insane. But we received a report (sensing a theme here?) from a woman who identified herself as “dangerously mentally ill.” She said, “I heard an ad on the radio for the dangerously mentally ill, and figured if I was going to be mentally ill, I might as well be dangerously mentally ill.” Seems like sound reasoning to me. She offered as proof of danger that she had shot someone in the arm, shot someone else in the elevator and dropped a bunch of guns in there, and had stabbed her husband previously, but never got in trouble for it. No evidence of any of these acts was found, but that’s where the “mentally ill” part comes in.


I didn’t say turn tricks. Calm down.

A certain beast, Nick by name, offered to obtain food for us tonight. On the way with same, he sent me a message, saying, “Check the cameras. Do you see me?” I’m not playing your silly game, I thought, so I just got up and opened the back door, but there was no one there. “Tell me what you see,” he insisted, so I grumpily got up again–after all, my food was being held hostage in the hands of a madman–and looked at the camera, reporting, with some irritation, that I still saw nothing. He responded, “That must mean I’m not there yet.” So, dear co-workers who were busier than I was at that moment (I was between car-vs.-deer accidents at the time), that is why I kept jumping up and down like a jack-in-the-box, which I understand is good for my health.

He came in, all eager to be praised for his cleverness, or smacked for his insolence–just generally desperate for attention of any kind –but he was sent empty away, because I’m never good at thinking up stuff on the spur of the moment.

My fortune cookie was an actual fortune! How often does that happen?:

–“You are about to receive a big compliment.”  I’m still waiting.

“Dead Spider Bodies”–a great name for a rock band!

May I just observe that, if one includes the words “dead bodies” in a blog post, some of the suggested illustrations are very disturbing.



Utility function of a risk-averse (risk-avoidi...

Utility function of a risk-averse (risk-avoiding) person: CE – Certainty equivalent; E(U(W)) – Expected value of the utility (expected utility) of the uncertain payment; E(W) – Expected value of the uncertain payment; U(CE) – Utility of the certainty equivalent; U(E(W)) – Utility of the expected value of the uncertain payment; U(W 0 ) – Utility of the minimal payment; U(W 1 ) – Utility of the maximal payment; W 0 – Minimal payment; W 1 – Maximal payment; RP – Risk premium (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been remiss in hospitality, which should surprise nobody. But first, a bit of background…

When you start a blog, WordPress (and I assume other blogging platforms) issues you a lot of instructions about how to do it successfully. Besides posting regularly (self-evident) and writing well (which I’d assume would be self-evident, but you know what happens when we assume) (if you don’t, just ask me, I’m an expert), they suggest that you comment on other people’s blogs, to help raise interest in your own. I’ve largely resisted this, because it seems phony and self-aggrandizing to me. When I first started, I got numerous contacts from people who obviously hadn’t really read this thing. I don’t want to get involved in this sort of stroke-fest. This attitude partially explains the sort of blog you see here, without all the gew-gaws on the sides of the page linking you to other stuff. (To be frank, technological incompetence also has something to do with it.)  However, there have been a few people whose comments and blogs I have appreciated. It only seems fair to mention them, especially since one of them provided me with tonight’s subject matter. They include Wandering Voiceless, at , and disp4324 at Confessions of a 911 Dispatcher at . The latter recently commented, “I love your honesty!” My first thought was, So that’s what it’s called? I thought it was called “being a smartass.” But upon further thought, I started feeling uneasy, because saying that I’m exhibiting unusual honesty kind of implies that what I’m doing here is risky. I am risk-averse, and I’m now having visions of angry mobs at my doorstep, equipped with the requisite torches and pitchforks, because they found out that A 911 OPERATOR IS BEING IRREVERENT. (Save me, Nick! Wake up!) (No, I’m not implying that you sleep on the job. Damn, this is risky!) But I figure that this blog is A CLOSELY-GUARDED SECRET, and, as I’ve said before, this is not The Voice of Public Safety Dispatching, but only the voice of a small and somewhat-delusional part of it. Carrying on bravely in the face of great obstacles, mostly of my own making {sniffle}.

More misheard song lyrics, courtesy of the Tragically-Hip One, for

“Beast of Burden”–“I’ll never be your big Suburban…”

And no, I don’t know why Facebook features a picture of Nick (who knows no shame and cannot blush) in his underwear. Perhaps excessive overtime is impairing his judgment. I’d say he’s crying all the way to the bank, but I believe he lacks tear ducts.


There is something wrong with society when we can have two attempted suicide runs going on at the same time, and this is not unusual these past several years. I don’t know if it’s the economy, our mental health system, or the overabundance of psychoactive drugs (notice how the commercials always say “Side-effects may include suicidal thoughts”–even if the drug is supposed to be treating depression?), but something here is not optimal.

The Post Not Written

No, I didn’t post yesterday. Yes, I will post tomorrow (“tomorrow” means after I’ve slept, of course). I have an idea and everything. Nothing like having a work ethic about something that’s not a job. If only I could apply this attitude to household chores.

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