Scratchy Glitter

Observations for the easily irritated.

Tag: Food

It’s Becoming Painfully Clear….

Ride My See-Saw

Ride My See-Saw (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How did I find out that I had previously trained Nick, apparently without noticing it? I’d grumpily said, “If I have to ride along with you, you should have to sit along with me.” “I did when I trained out there, don’t you remember?” he responded plaintively. But it wasn’t until today that I realized–OF COURSE! Why else would he have such evil glee at the prospect of our ride-along, if not FOR REVENGE? Let’s test this theory by paying him a visit….Ah, here he is, lazing in the sun….

(He quickly sits up and whips his tail tightly around himself so I can’t step on it.) “Ah, my ancient enemy! So good of you to stop by–I always enjoy our visits–but a little advance notice  would have been appreciated…”

“About this ride-along business–”

(quivering with eagerness) “Yes? Any news on that front?”

“No. I was just wondering–”

“Ah, too bad.” (becomes dreamy-eyed) “What adventures we’ll have!” (delicately scratches his eyelid with a single claw)

“But I don’t like adventures.”

“Ah. Funny how that works. I, for instance, don’t like being abused and then forgotten. But sometimes things happen…that are beyond our control.” (preens a membranous wing) “Would you prefer a motivational–flight, perhaps? Would that be more to your liking?” (watches carefully for my reaction) “Ah, it’s so hard to tell.”

“Beast, I don’t remember training you. At all.”

“You will remember. I’ll tell you everything. It will all come back, don’t worry.”

I change the subject, staying out of reach of sudden lunges. “Do you ever curl up behind the dumpster at the zoo during your shift to take a nap?”

“Are you implying that I sleep? Who needs to know?”

“It was just brought up at a meeting–as an example of a reason why officers might not want GPS-based dispatching. They didn’t mention any names, but the zoo is in your beat, and maybe you’d be visiting your friends there, and–do I hear growling?”

“Possibly. I hate to be disrespectful–you are, technically, my commanding officer, after all–but it could be.”

I take my leave of him, being careful not to turn my back.

NON NICK-RELATED NEWS

My McDonald’s place mat (or trayliner, as they prefer to call them, lest we think we’re getting too fancy) said, “Get real. It’s hot out there.” No, now you’re getting unreal. It also said, “Take a picture of your drink and upload it to our website!” Why? I don’t often care about pictures of food on the Internet {insert picture of The Most Interesting Man in the World here}, but when I do, they’re pictures of actual food, cooked by people I actually know.

Maycation Day 4: The Concert

Tom Petty performing at Nissan Pavilion in Bri...

Tom Petty performing at Nissan Pavilion in Bristow, VA – June 10, 2006. Photo taken by Marion S. Rights have been specifically given by the photographer for the images’ use on Wikipedia. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Working title #1: Oh My My, Oh Hell Yes

Working title #2: Sitcher Drunk @ss Down!

I could write a music review (and have, in fact, done so in the past), but what I want to do instead is review everything about this event but the music. And since this blog is my personal stroke-fest, I’m going to do just that.

I haven’t been to a concert for awhile, because most of the acts I want to see are A.) broken up (R.E.M.), B.) past their prime (too many to count), or C.) dead. So let me just say that Tom Petty puts on a great show, go see him if you get the chance.

I was snazzily attired in striped pants and purple shirt, and Rom was even snazzier in a multicolored shirt he got for $2 at a yard sale. (Trust me, it looks better than it sounds.)

I agree with Rom that the Ford Center looks like an upside-down aluminum saucepan, but I thought the inside has a cool aircraft-hangar sort of look. And, most importantly, the restrooms are near the door. This was important because I’ve never seen so much beer in one place in my life. There were wandering beer vendors everywhere. I resisted the temptation, because drinking beer would guarantee I’d need to find the bathroom at some point during the show. Many people lacked this awareness of cause and effect, so there was a constant roiling of people between the beer and the bathrooms. If I wanted to do that, I could just go to Hagedorn’s. I could sing “Free Fallin'” there, too. And have.

I would be willing to pay extra not to have a tall guy sit in front of me, but one  did.  And I’d pay even more not to have the guy next to him, who was a size 3X guy, wearing a t-shirt that was a size 2X extra-short. And tight low-slung pants. And every time he got up, we would see, as they said in olden times, more than was convenient. And have to turn our faces away, lest we turn to stone. And he got up a lot. (Refer to beer/bathroom link, above.)

(Insert concert here.)

I prudently sought out said restroom before the bus ride home. Ladies, the floor was awash in spilled beer. At least I think that’s what it was. The alternative explanation would be even worse. And the sinks are a major design fail–the automatic faucets give you a dribble of water for a second and a half. Everyone was giving up on actually washing their hands, because they had to get on with their lives.

The bus went past Dispatch at one point–I waved at 3rd shift, toiling away in obscurity. And this was appropriate, because–what is with me overhearing 911 customers on the bus? It’s like a curse (especially since in this case I’m not being paid to listen to it.) This time it was a woman carrying a tote bag that had Bella and Edward (or whatever those Twilight people’s names are) on one side, and Kiss on the other. Where do you even get a bag like that? Her cell phone rings and–

…transcript of conversation follows:

“I’m not going to answer that.” {Answers it anyway, like we couldn’t see that coming.} “I’m upset with you! You got my daughter upset. My daughter isn’t speaking to me. You got my daughter upset, and now she’ll never speak to me again. And you got my mother upset. You got my daughter upset. She won’t even talk to me. I’m going to hit you over the head with a pizza when I get home! {She was carrying a pizza box.} Because you got my daughter upset!” {Hangs up.} “Men are pigs.” {Realizes there’s a man, namely my husband, sitting right next to her.} “Well, not all men. Just the one I live with.” I thought, let me guess. You bought a car with him, but you don’t trust him with the keys?

Well, I’m up too late, considering I have an appointment with the vet tomorrow. Well, I don’t have it, the cat does. I just go along to lend moral support.

Rom said, “When I first get up in the morning, I can’t read your post, because my eyes aren’t used to the light yet.” Because it’s so brilliant!

P.S. I chose this picture of Tom Petty because I wore the same outfit for my wedding!

P.P.S. I do have to live like a refugee.

 

 

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