How do I know? School supplies are edging out the sunscreen at Walgreen’s.
SEEN ON T-SHIRTS
“Scream While You Can While We Rip You To Shreds.” That’s what this country needs–more hostility. I assume this sentiment was promoting a video game, because it was worn by a nerd I couldn’t imagine ripping anybody to shreds.
Black t-shirt with bald eagle, except the eagle was red, white and blue: “I Couldn’t HEAR You Over the Sound of My FREEDOM.” Well, why is your FREEDOM so fackin’ LOUD?
A black t-shirt featuring a Native American smoking a joint, and the exhaled smoke turned into galaxies and stuff.
“This Is What Epic Looks Like.” Epic looks like a skinny girl with pink-tipped red hair. Of course, these days, maybe her name was Epic.
And a guy in a neon-orange t-shirt and camo cargo pants. Apparently he only wanted his upper half to be seen.
THIS JUST IN
Fiona and Archer are now 7, and are into metaphysics.
Fiona: “Everything has a shape.”
Archer: “Not God. He’s everywhere.”
F: “OK then, well, everything has a color.”
A: “Not a black hole. It has all the colors.” Wouldn’t it actually have none of the colors? I don’t know. I’m no physicist. Or metaphysicist.
CRISIS IN PROGRESS: CRIME IS COMING TO A LAWN NEAR YOU
I promised Trexa I would tell this story eons ago. And you’d think I would have, since I’m always whining about lack of material.
Trexa woke up one day recently and saw that part of her lawn was brown, but in a weird pattern. She called the lawn service to come out. Pointing it out to the guy, she said, “It almost looks like some design, doesn’t it? Maybe like a scissors.”
The lawn guy said, “Or…something.” He was hesitant to tell the nice lady that a drawing of male genitalia had been etched on her lawn with weed killer. Apparently vandalism (or, as the law calls it, Criminal Mischief–I’ve always liked that term, along with Maintaining a Common Nuisance, which is what they charge you with when other people were doing drugs in your house, but you weren’t doing them yourself) (and it’s great to be a former 911 dispatcher, so no one will wonder how I know all this) with Round-Up has become a thing.