OFF THE RAILS

by pjmcbride

black and white person feeling smiling

Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

BROUGHT TO YOU IN ALL-CAPS VISION

HOW DARE THEY TRY TO IMPEACH ME, THEY SHOULD BE IMPEACHED THEMSELVES, SURE IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE BUT THAT’S JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T INHABIT THE REALITY THAT I DO, NO ONE ELSE IS REAL AND I WILL NEVER DIE, AND IF I WANT TO DYE MY HAIR ORANGE EVEN THOUGH I DREAMED IT WAS PURPLE, PILE IT ON MY HEAD, AND WEAR WHITE SHORTS IN PUBLIC, THAT IS ALL PERFECT BECAUSE I AM A VERY STABLE GENIUS, NOT JUST STABLE BUT VERY STABLE, BECAUSE I SAID SO, AND WHO SHOULD YOU TRUST MORE THAN ME, BECAUSE ALL THE SO-CALLED EXPERTS HAVE BEEN LYING TO YOU FOR YEARS, BUT I’M NOT LYING BECAUSE I SAID SO, WATCH OUT OR I WILL GIVE YOU A NICKNAME WITH THE WORD “LIL” OR “LIDDLE” IN IT, BECAUSE ONLY I AM BIG, AND SURE I JUST WON ON A TECHNICALITY BUT THAT’S ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS RIGGED, BECAUSE IF IT WASN’T RIGGED, EVERYONE WOULD HAVE VOTED FOR ME, BECAUSE I SAID SO AND I HAVE THE BEST RATINGS, AND RATINGS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. THAT AND MONEY, AND I HAVE THE MOST OF THAT, TOO. I AM NOT INSANE.

(Disclaimer: The above is satire {albeit heavy-handed}. No one needs to come check on me.)

VOTE FOR ME, I’M THE OUTSIDER!