Me in 2020!

by pjmcbride

white house

Photo by Aaron Kittredge on

I am announcing my candidacy for President in 2020. Why? Well, why not?! The bar has never been lower! Sure, I have no experience or aptitude, but that means I’m not a Washington insider! In fact, I’m not any kind of insider. If elected, I’ll revoke security clearances right and left! I’ll give people security clearances just so I can revoke them! But I promise to retain the red button on the desk in the Oval Office that summons Diet Coke. I will also install a perfume fountain in the Rose Garden. Roses Rom won’t have to take care of!

There will be no White House dog, but only White House cats. (Esmerelda has already told me no photographers will be allowed, and she will lurk under the desk in the Oval Office.) (I’ll probably be doing a lot of that myself.)

2020 is still a long way away, so I won’t be campaigning on here very often, although I’ll ramp up the intensity as the day approaches, until you are as sick of me as you are of all the others. This will give me the time I need to decide on a running mate, for instance. I already know inauguration music will be provided by the Sour Neon Crawlers. Sure, that means I’ll be doing the singing, but I can do it all! All or nothing! That’s why you elected me! Or the Electoral College did. That’s almost as good.

So keep me in mind, and VOTE FOR ME IN 2020! I’M THE OUTSIDER!

My apologies to anyone who came here looking for perfume reviews and found themselves in an alternate reality.