Sphinx of Black Quartz, Judge My Vow
This was presented as a sentence that uses all letters of the alphabet, like “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog,” but is, of course, way cooler. This made me think that maybe I should come up with such a sentence. Maybe you should, too. Any I receive will receive the reward of being published here, which, you must admit, is a rare reward. (Of course, you must first nail down your “x” and “z” words, and build the sentence from there.)
THE GOING RATE
–Rate for not saying anything about Trump: $130,000 (Stormy)
–Rate for saying good things about Trump: $180,000 (Omarosa)
Of course, saying good things involves more effort than not saying anything, so it’s only fair.
CRITIQUE OF TED NUGENT LYRICS
Leaving aside “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang” (“Wang dang, what a sweet poontang, she looks so sweet while she’s yankin’ my meat”), there’s “Sweet Sally”:
“Sweet Sally, she’s a friend of mine
Her long legs in an evening gown
Her black hair just hangin’ down
Sweet Sally likes it double-time
Sweet Sally likes it all the time
Sweet Sally, she’s a friend of mine”
I detect a certain shallowness in this friendship.
COSMO HOROSCOPE, 1984
You thought I’d forgotten these, didn’t you? Anyway, here’s
Beauty for Libra: “Stay just as sweet (and wanton) as you are, but don’t neglect grooming; manicured hands, squeaky-clean hair enhance your witchery.” Yes, clean hair always enhances a woman’s witchery.
And speaking of Cosmopolitan, this month’s cover features “Booty Mania! Belfies, butt facials, and more!” Now, my butt can hold its own in any competition, but you won’t be seeing pictures of it on Facebook. Though I am curious as to what a “butt facial” might involve (even though it reminds me of an unfortunate South Park episode). Plus, one shudders to think what “and more!” might be. OK, I’ll look at the article at Walgreen’s tomorrow. Maybe I’ll actually buy the issue, so I can report back to you. You people are so demanding.
Looking back at previous posts, I see that in May 2013, someone said they would “pay to see me drunk.” Unfortunately, I didn’t note who that was. Is the offer still valid?
And I forgot to add a picture to this post before I started it, so…