I’m Not F. Scott Fitzgerald

by pjmcbride

…as my writing professor once told me. I bet F. Scott Fitzgerald wouldn’t have gotten a B+ in his class, either.

This post is brought to you courtesy of K8, my best friend from high school, who encouraged me to have another can of ale.

COSMO ASTROLOGY FOR ’79

Health for Taurus: “Eliminate junk food.” I did not do this.

Beauty for Taurus: “A minimum of makeup. All you really need is a light foundation, a dab of rosy rouge, and navy liner, mascara,  cranberry or expresso shadow for expressive eyes.” This doesn’t seem minimal to me. Plus, it’s “espresso.”

Speaking of which, I told Rom (a fellow Taurus) back when, after seeing a car model named the Scorpio, that, “They’ll never name a car Taurus. Just too dull.” Shows what I know. You know the zodiac sign that will never have a car named after it? Cancer.

I IMPROVE OUR COUNTRY

You know who Trump should get on board as his adviser? Captain Obvious. He’s a military man, which Trump respects. Plus, when Trump is about to say something like, “If she wasn’t my daughter, I’d date her,” he can say, “It’s not cool to say that.” And Trump can say, “Thanks, Captain Obvious.”