Writing Well Is the Best Revenge

by pjmcbride

Facebook asked me what my life motto is. The above title was the second thing that came to mind. The first was “My temperament is to believe in extremes,” but I didn’t write that, Michael Stipe did.

No, I have not posted since Dec. 14. I’ve been taking stock of things writingwise, as opposed to, you know, actually doing it.

BEAST IN SHUTDOWN, DAY 2

…brought to you (clenched in his teeth) by Nick, who couldn’t stand it any longer and finally asked me to write. (“I did nothing of the kind.” Yes, you did, you were just too proud to put it in the form of a question.)

Nick is sulking at my feet. “Why is the government still shut down? They won’t let me do anything.”

“Because…well, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Will they still buy my food?”

“For a little while, at least.”

“Will I have to gnaw off your foot to survive?”

“You never have to do that.”

“But it remains an option?” I frown at him.

“If I could breathe fire, I could go out and remove the rest of this snow.”

“Find yourself something to do. Go read my old blog posts.”

“You know I can’t read! Tell me a story. You never gave me a Christmas special last year.”

“I never told the story of you pouncing on that clown at the Fall Festival, either.”

“Wait, what?”

“Never mind. Go fly around the yard or something.”

“I know! I’ll fly to the Capitol and make them stop this shutdown.”

…to be continued…

 

 

ASTROLOGY INVESTIGATION CONTINUED, 1977

…brought to you, as always, by a Taurean with Scorpio envy.

Fashion for Gemini–“Wear a beige-and-white striped men’s cotton bathrobe loosely belted for exciting at-home entertaining.” Yes, the excitement of wondering when the hostess’ clothing is going to fall off. Plus, all her guests are thinking, “She couldn’t bother to change out of her bathrobe?”

Fashion for Scorpio: “Daring fashion that only Scorpio can get away with includes a pale wild rice-colored blouson in thinnest wool with a chocolate suede skirt, high matching boots.” Yeah, a gray shirt and a brown skirt is pretty daring.

Interior decorating for Scorpio includes “a rainbow-striped hammock for bedroom fun.” OK, would sex in a hammock even work? Of course, I’d probably fall out even if I wasn’t having sex. Of course, I’m not a Scorpio.