Sarcastic Shorts: Festival Report

by pjmcbride

It’s the Fall Festival, when you carefully plan the fashion statement you then deny intending. Rom referred to “hipsters with sarcastic plaid Bermuda shorts.” He actually owns some, but I gave them to him as a gag gift.


–Preppy guy hurrying to catch up with his friends: “This vodka is great! And this is my 3rd bottle today!” Dude, you have a problem. Ironically, he then filled his empty vodka flask from a can of Mountain Dew he’d just bought. “No, officer, this is just Mountain Dew!”

This is the year of man-buns and leggings as pants.

“It’s just gloop! It was gross!” Could have been referring to any number of Festival atrocities.

“Mom! Look at that guy!” Ditto.

I have so far been there 3 times. On Wednesday, I went with Rom and we got separated, but were far too grown-up to, you know, go to the Lost & Found and resolve our problem immediately. Not everyone was that grown-up–when I went today, there was a continuing litany of “Firstname Lastname, please report to Eleventh & Franklin.” Where the person you lost track of will yell at you.

Spotted on pavement: pile of vomit, or maybe it was some food item that looked like vomit.

: splash of blood, or maybe it was ketchup.