Day 16: My Last Day On City Dispatch

by pjmcbride

…and nothing unusual has transpired, unlike the other day where we had 3 separate people run into buildings with their vehicles. Of course, the night is still young. Actually, NOT VERY. Young or quiet. I think someone just pulled the crazy switch.

–“Male just jumped behind the counter at Taco Bell, grabbed a knife, and started cutting himself. Left drinking from 2 bottles of vodka.” That man’s dexterity is admirable.


“But something unusual DID happen!” Nick says. “Tell them, tell them!”

“Nick, if you don’t stop yanking at my sleeve with your teeth, I’ll rip off your tail and beat you with it.”

“It would grow back anyway. I’d grow two more of them!”

“What did I tell you about lying?”

“Well, you don’t know it wouldn’t. It’s never been tried.”

“Are you saying you want me to try it?”

“You lack the necessary implements to detach my tail,” he says loftily, but wraps it tightly around himself, just in case.

AS I WAS SAYING, before being pestered to death, during a lull tonight, an off-duty officer called in on his portable radio.


I know that number, although I seldom hear it on the radio these days, and thought, What can Nick be wanting at this hour?

“How do you copy this radio?”

I informed him it was basically intelligible, inspired by Colbert’s monologue on the latest rambling, inchoate Trump interview. In other words (and there are always other words), Nick didn’t sound like Trump.

“Clear.” (insert dramatic pause} “And thank you for 30 years of service, ma’am.”

Isn’t he sweet? My eyes even prickled a bit. But only a bit.

Oh great, 3rd shift is having training and will be late getting out. Now my screen will be all yellow and red because of late runs, which always reminds me of fried eggs with ketchup, which was something my stepfather suggested putting on them to make them less gross so I’d eat them.