Day 21: Tales of Heartbreak & Loss

by pjmcbride


–“Caller needs Animal Control reference a cat that was left at his door with a box of food and litter.” So somebody please go to the shelter and say, “I’d like to adopt the cat that was left with a bag of food and litter.” Of course, that beats the call I took of a guy dumping his cat out of his car, then backing up to run over it when it tried to follow him, which is one of the calls I WILL NEVER FACKING FORGET, kthnxbai.

Aaand then we have, “2 subjects fist-fighting, now their dogs are fighting too.” Plus one of the guys yelled, “Get my dope!” Maybe he wanted the dog to fetch it.

–“Caller says her neighbor has sex with zombies and makes her watch, and the zombies are crying while this is going on.” This gives me a new perspective on zombies.

–“Report of child standing on driver’s lap and steering the vehicle.” Well, only after the child has mastered sitting in the parking lot pretending to drive.

I just got called a 60-year veteran, which is not true, but did make me realize I’ve been working here half my life, which was disconcerting.

–“2 red cars racing, one is a Corvette and one is an older Neon.” This is kind of like bringing a knife to a gunfight.

–“Called back to say the bat in the building has now flown into the fan.”


I passed by the black car that has “I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE, I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY DESTINY” on the back window, and thought, That quote doesn’t seem quite right. Well, that would be because the original line was “Captain of my soul.” But “soul” is such a quaint pre-post-Christian concept, isn’t it? I will merely observe that the Captain of Destiny vehicle is a Toyota Camry. Speaking of which, when I passed by there the other day, several children were running for the car, and one of them yelled, “Camry’s in the front seat already!” You named your child after your car, and not even a cool one? Well, they probably spelled it Kamreigh.