Day 22: Me & Crazy People
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE CRAZY KIND
–Waiting for the bus at 2nd Ave./Columbia: A woman walking down the sidewalk apparently got overheated, whipped off her shirt, dropped it on the sidewalk, and stood there in the middle of the sidewalk in her tank top, apparently airing out her armpits. Two guys who looked like gangsta rappers had to walk around her. One of them muttered, “What human being is so disrespectful?” As she walked by me, she squinted at me like Popeye.
–A guy yelled something from a car that sounded like, “Good people should wear shoes!” The crazy part is that everybody in the vicinity was.
–Walking down St Joe from Taco John’s, a guy walking up to and past me said, “Get out of my face! Like your cross! Get out of my face!” Thanks for the compliment on my crucifix, but what you call being “in your face,” I call “using the same sidewalk.”
CRISIS IN PROGRESS: SOMEDAY I’LL SNAP DEPT. (Disclaimer: I only have 22 days left to snap in.}
–“I’ve grounded my 17-year-old from the computer, and I need the cops because he won’t give me the mouse and keyboard.”
–“Subject said he was at Oak Hill Cemetery drinking a lot of energy drinks and driving erratically. Then said he has a hook in his foot and it aches something awful.” Doesn’t he know you’re supposed to have a hook for a hand? You have a peg leg. And a parrot for your shoulder, and an eye patch.
–“Can I talk to someone?”
“I’m someone. What’s the problem?”
“I called AT&T to get my phone number changed. They were supposed to call me back at 8:20 to tell me my new number, and they haven’t yet.”
“Well, that’s between you and AT&T. 911 doesn’t have anything to do with that.”
–Someone found a pile of internal organs in a field.. The organs were accompanied by a cardboard box and a pair of surgical gloves.
BRUSH WITH SEMI-GREATNESS
Ever encountered someone who’s exactly like a fictional character? There was the time at Rom’s grandmother’s funeral where the priest sounded exactly like the Grand Nagus on Star Trek. And then, the other day at Wendy’s on St Joe, the guy mopping the floor looked just like Captain Obvious, before he became a captain. He told me, “Someone will be up here to take your order in a moment,” but I refrained from saying, “Thanks, Captain Obvious!”
CAPTAIN OBVIOUS REPORTING IN
I just discovered imgflip. By accident. But did you expect anything less? Sure, I’d been wondering how people created all those clever memes on Facebook, but I figured their professional skills were forever beyond such as myself.