Day 23: The Devil in the Details

by pjmcbride

S.G’S. 23RD POST, 4/28/13: Terms of Service and Irresponsible Journalism

–The question arises, “Am I being too cruel to Nick?” The answer arises, “No.”

–I reveal that my work performance is adequate.

–I tell the Devil how to do his job.


“I need the police out here. We had a guy visiting, and we had to throw him out. So he had a bowel movement on our porch. He did that once before, and we’re not cleaning it up.”

Questions arise:

–The officers aren’t going to clean it up, either. (Actually, that’s not a question, but she assured me officers tracked the suspect down and made him clean it up the last time.)

–He did this once before? And you still invited him back?

–If officers can’t track him down this time, how long will it stay there? (That question courtesy of Nick, who is now being forced to sit through this story twice.)

In case you think that’s my only police-related poop story, in my first year on the job, I was told of a woman who called saying someone dropped a load on the hood of her car, and said there was a hair in it she wanted tested to find out who it belonged to.

Questions arise:

–You know, we don’t have a database with everyone’s hair in it to match that to. (OK, that’s not a question, either.)

–Wouldn’t the logistics of doing that on a car hood be kind of daunting? OK, I’m not very agile, but maybe somebody else knows.


I have other such stories that involve the police more directly. Let’s just say that their magic belts are harder to remove in a hurry than one might think. Not that I’ve ever tried to remove one, at any speed.

Can’t I find anything else to post about?