Day 10: Black Saturday, and a Bunch of Rain

by pjmcbride

Dear weather forecasters, please stop referring to overcast weather as “dreary.” That is subjective, and we don’t all prefer blazing sun, kthnxbai.

Time magazine is having its annual “Who Do You Think Should Be Person of the Year?” survey, which is meaningless, since they admit they’re not going to follow our suggestions. My suggestions are of a more general nature:

–I will accept that “Man of the Year” can be changed to “Person of the Year,” although that’s not quite as snappy. But it does have to be a person. It should not be a collective, such as The Millennial Generation, or an impersonal force, or an abstract concept. Those are cop-outs. Narrow it down, and keep it, you know, personal.

While I’m setting parameters, similar rules apply to names of sports teams. Pick some fierce animal that makes good mascot material. NOT The Heat, or The Jazz, or The Oblate Spheroid, or something baffling like the Browns–what is a Brown, exactly?

“But, World Leader,” they begin timidly, “you don’t care about sports anyway.” What part of “World Leader” don’t you understand? Hey, go suggest that I should be Time’s Person of the Year.

S.G.’S 10TH POST, 3/25/13: It’s Holy Week, Please Shut Up

–The title was inspired by a Stephen Colbert routine which I was unable to link to on the blog, thus inaugurating a long tradition of technological incompetence.