Adventures In My Bathroom, Continued
Oh! Oh! I forgot to mention–my current least favorite commercial, for Denorex shampoo. A bottle of Head and Shoulders arrives home from a shopping trip (and what does a product buy when it’s out shopping, one wonders?), and finds the man of the house in the shower with a bottle of Denorex, who is, of course, blonde. “How could you, after all these years?!” Head and Shoulders demands. “It’s not what it looks like, honey!” the guy says (what it looks like is a further example of people at ad agencies doing drugs, as my stepfather the radio DJ assured me they did), as Denorex smirks beside him. “You’re great–she’s great–but the two of you together–dynamite!” Luckily, they did not then show H&S squealing with glee and leaping into the shower beside them, or I might have to add the TV to the list of furniture I’ve broken in fits of rage.
OK, Denorex Inc.–way to make your product look sleazy! Getting involved in a 3-way with your competition!
But wait…do I hear a tiny snippy voice coming from my bathroom? Why, it’s Head and Shoulders!
“You’re such a hypocrite,” the bottle says. “I’ve had to share your shelf with Suave Daily Clarifying Shampoo–for years!! I promise to get in your eyes and make you cry the next time you use me!”
“And you’re not the only one,” pipes up the Olay body wash. “I work for you Monday through Friday, but on your days off, you’re with that rose-scented slut!”
“I don’t work Monday through Friday,” I counter. “And do you mean Caress Love Forever?”
“You of all people should know a figure of speech when you hear one! I mean that bitch in the black bottle. And before her it was Passionfruit & Fiery Orange Rose. You think you’re fiery and passionate? You’re just a nice-smelling nerd with dandruff.”
This post is starting to look like I do drugs. Maybe I should have gone into advertising.