Social Page: Beware the Ides of March

by pjmcbride

…for it is the birthday of Nick’s cub Thing 1, who is today 5. I was invited to the jamboree held for that purpose at the Wesselman Nature Center, probably because Nick wanted press coverage of the event. (He is wounded by every blog post which doesn’t mention him.)

This event required the dreaded Getting Up Early (before 11), which I normally do only for church. I felt guilty because my service cat had just cuddled up to me in bed, but guilt is a routine part of cat ownership. You can never do enough for them.

So I washed and combed myself, and Nick texted me and asked if I was ready yet, and I answered in the affirmative, which is pretty bold for someone standing there in a bathrobe. Trust me, throwing clothes on is the least time-consuming part of me leaving the house. Provided I’d planned the outfit previously, of course. It doesn’t always happen.

I was looking forward to this event because it would feature a falcon, and I’ve thought they were SO COOL since I was a child myself. (“Had falcons evolved yet back then?” Nick is wondering. See, I write his lines for him, to spare him the trouble.)

However, it turned out the falcon was “having a bad day.” (What would a bad day involve for a falcon? Gouging out someone’s eyes? Not gouging out someone’s eyes?) And how did they make up for the lack of a falcon? (I can hardly even type it without laughing, it so sounds like a bad joke..) They gave us–an owl with an eye infection, and a chicken. The chicken could do tricks with a Hula-Hoop, it turned out, although I didn’t see it. And the party picked up after I left (“I bet that happens a lot,” Nick is thinking)–a barn owl (minus eye infection–the infected one was a screech owl) and a skunk were deployed. Well, the skunk wasn’t actually deployed–I’m sure they save that for guests who refuse to leave.


–I believe Thing 1 is a perpetual-motion machine. Unlike Thing 2, who at one point was burrowing between his father’s legs as if trying to return from whence he came.

–The lobby of the Nature Center featured snapping turtles, both common and alligator. They were pretty cool, although they didn’t do much of anything. I imagine they would have done something if I’d stuck my hand in the tank, however.

–I got to meet Officer J.H., whom I had not met previously, even though we work together. Although he doesn’t actually look like the guy, his habitual expression was exactly like the guy in that movie trailer who says, “Go ahead and do it! The waiting is the worst part!” (I realize that if you haven’t seen the trailer–I think the movie is called “Taking Care of Business”–this comparison is of no use to you.)

–Just as I was leaving, Officer Sam-I-Am, Nick’s erstwhile partner, came in, modeling the latest in the Shorts of Horror collection (a favorite designer of hers).

–Nick was acting out his fantasy of being my sexy waiter, jumping to refill my glass, expecting tips, etc. When he wasn’t LURKING BEHIND ME, which is something he did  a lot of at Dispatch when we were on the same shift, too. I don’t know what the deal is, unless he’s thinking of cutting off my hair, which, I may as well tell him, would incur MY EXTREME DISPLEASURE. And no, that is not a dare.