Assorted Complaints

by pjmcbride


When we tell you not to follow the car full of kids who just mooned you, DON’T INSIST ON FOLLOWING THEM. Especially once we tell you we’ve had a shooting/stabbing and there are no cars available. And when you then say, “I can’t believe there aren’t enough cars to deal with my mooning situation as well as the shooting/stabbing!” ask yourself–do you want to pay the amount of taxes that level of staffing would require? And might I just add, if someone mooned me, I wouldn’t even call 911 in the first place. But that’s just me.

When you call for an ambulance, and they ask for your phone number, don’t say, “It’s private.”


In the course of my mammogram the other day, the technician said, “Now, don’t breathe for a few seconds…” You know, when I’ve got my tit in a wringer, I do tend to hold my breath. Although I am tempted to gnaw off my breast to escape the trap.