O Sweet Mystery of Life

by pjmcbride

…a Crisis in Progress production.

–“There’s a can of paint missing from my house.”

–“Do you know who took it?”

–“This guy who’s staying with me.”

–“How do you know? Did you actually see him take it?”

–“This other guy who’s staying with me told me.”

The mystery here is, why do you have two people staying with you whom you neither like nor trust? Huh? It’s like “I need the police because my friend just hit me.”


“A couple of us are working late, and we just found wet footsteps–large, male footsteps–going from the front door to the seventh floor.” As of this writing, the mystery remains unsolved. Maybe it was Bigfoot.


“I’ve been sitting here for two hours, and the bus passed me by twice. I’ll never get to work at this rate.”

“You need to call the bus service.”

“I can’t, my phone has no minutes. I can only call 911.” Little does she know that I can tell by looking at the screen that she’s lying.

“Is there some reason why they would pass you by?”

“I’ve never ridden the bus before, but this lady told me all I have to do is sit out in front of my house and the bus would pick me up.”

“Are you actually at a bus stop?”

“Yes! There’s a sign here saying to just call the bus service if I have problems.” Rub it in, why don’t you?

“So you–”

“I was just sitting here reading, and the bus drove right by me. Twice.”

So Yours Truly, who actually rides the bus regularly, had to do bus counseling and tell her that she had to actually indicate to the driver in some way that she wanted the bus, rather than keeping her nose stuck in a book. One has to wonder how committed she was to that whole get-to-work idea.


Like unto the woman who wanted me to call the bus people and complain for her is the case of the officer who says to me, “Call Officer So-and-So and tell him…” and then I do so, and Officer S & S wants me to “call the other officer back, and tell him…” Let me just give you his number, OK? I actually had an officer–who was off-duty–call in and say, “I need a tow truck, and tell them that…” I said, “Here’s the number to the towing service,” and was rewarded with a heavy sigh.