The Surprising Origin of “Kthnxbye”
–Rom thought I made it up.
THE REVIEW YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR
How, you ask, does the new CVS compare to Walgreen’s?
–Carpet! The same surprising feature that made my stay at the Women’s Hospital 11 years ago so cozy. Or maybe it was the morphine. Come to think of it, CVS no doubt has morphine as well.
–Restrooms you don’t need to ask an employee to get on the loudspeaker to call another employee to let you into! Plus, the best toilet paper/dispensers in town. There is, incidentally, a supply of “Tough Guy” brand toilet seat covers. Yeah, there’s nothing tougher.
Look for my forthcoming book, “Restrooms of Evansville–West Side Edition.”
–About a week after they opened, someone drove over one of their landscaped areas, digging a rut and scattering pebbles over the lot. That was a month ago, and the rut and pebbles are still there. This is like saying, “Our ‘Now Open!’ banner is still out, and already we don’t care!” They eventually corrected this impression, by removing the banner. Or maybe, as Rom suggested, they’re waiting for the landscaping service to come out. Which won’t be until April. I’m tempted to clean up the pebbles myself.
CRISIS IN PROGRESS–BATHROOM EDITION
…featuring a toilet broken in a fight, and a beating with a shower-curtain rod.
–UFOs were supposedly sighted down the street from my house.
–A woman was armed with a paper clip. And not for the first time. She threatened to kill herself with it if officers approached her. Ah yes, the old Suicide by Clip gambit.
–warning on a caller: “Subject threatened to verbally taunt officers in order to provoke a response resulting in a complaint.” Go away, or I will taunt you again!