Like a Disney Movie
…Well, there’s the family of feral cats in our yard, frolicking in the snow. I find this snow unseemly. And to catch one of the cats, as Rom says, you’d need a chainsaw, a butterfly net, and a tranquilizer dart.
I GOT NO COMMON DECENCY
But, more to the point, the Beast’s owner has asked me to keep an eye on him while she is at Disney World (Shh! Don’t tell the kids!), while he keeps an eye on the cubs, Thing 1 and Thing 2 by name. (I know that’s not Disney, but I am unpaid and therefore untrammeled by pretty much anything.)
The first thing I have to tattle about is that, on the very first night, he claimed to give the 2 Things brownies with Cool Whip (or, as it’s probably spelled, Kool-Wip) for dinner. Of course, Rom and I did provide the brownies, but we take no responsibility for their deployment.
“But,” my readers inquire urgently, “how do these beasts produce cubs? You tell us the facts of life about every other sort of thing that swarms over the face of the earth.”
Actually, little is known about the reproductive habits of this species, probably because the male’s desire to do it in the mud amongst the frogs is usually thwarted by neighbors with torches and pitchforks. And scientists believe–or so I’m told–that the female lacks the power of flight, because wings might interfere with mating.
–I am picturing Nick on the phone at this point–“I swear I didn’t tell her to write that! She doesn’t get my approval before she posts!” Yes, I just used my friend for my cruel amusement. And now I’m going to bed.
DISCLAIMER: I MADE ALL THE ABOVE STUFF UP. DUH. EXCEPT FOR THE PART ABOUT THE CATS. OH YEAH, AND THE BROWNIES. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE COOL WHIP, WHICH WAS ADDED BY NICK. SEEMS KIND OF LIKE OVERKILL TO ME, BUT I PREFER JUST EATING COOL WHIP OUT OF A BOWL.