Weirdest Phone Calls In Town

by pjmcbride

But first…

A new FanBaser expressed admiration for the way I “put Nick in his place.” She has not met the beast in question, and is unfamiliar with his attributes. It is not true, as some believe, that he does not feel pain as we do. On the positive side, he can be trusted not to eat his own young.


All these calls came in the same 8-hour time-span.

–“This girl is trying to jump my daughter, and she’s twice as big as my daughter!” The suspect was in the background yelling, “I am not!”

–“I’m pregnant, and I had rough sex, and now I’m bleeding.”. Luckily, the baby was apparently unharmed.

–Report of a black male with a mohawk, wearing a white shirt, white shorts, and black boots, staggering down the middle of Fulton Avenue. So where is Sly Stone these days?

–“I’m thinking of having a heart attack.” We advise against it.

–Report of theft from a dollar store–“He took some ice cream and put it in his pocket.” I presume he planned to suck it out of his pants later. Luckily, Nick was not working. He will attack if he catches the scent of ice cream. Or donuts. They train him with donuts.