Spider, Spider, Burning Bright

by pjmcbride

I did some research on the spider which menaced Nick on a previous occasion. It is called a “camel spider,” which is actually not a spider at all, but something called a solifugid, which means “hides from the sun.” Are you wondering how they reproduce? Of course you are! The male deposits a spermatophore on the ground, and then inserts it into the female’s genital pore! And he does this by throwing her on her back! She then lays 50-200 eggs–which she sometimes guards. So admit it, Nick–YOU WERE GOING TO ROB HER NEST AND EAT THE EGGS! “No, I swear–I was just using the litter box, and she charged at me!” Well, this is one of those he said/she said situations, so I’ll disregard any further.

Nick is dissatisfied with me anyway, now that he’s consumed all the Harry Potter stories.

“Why didn’t you give me any magical powers? I can’t even breathe fire!”

“I don’t think you would use the ability to breathe fire responsibly.”

“I don’t like fire anyway.”

“Would you like me to give you a solifugid to play with?”

“Not if they make unfounded accusations.”

To get him to stop sulking, I told him he could have the ability to change color–from navy blue to a mottled gray-green pattern, to camouflage him in desert environments frequented by solifugids. However, even my powers cannot make his underside anything other than pasty-white.