The Imp of the Perverse Battles the Baby Corn

by pjmcbride

Pretty cool title, huh? They should give me a job just thinking up titles for stuff. This was a title for a superhero comic I thought up, which was stymied by my inability to draw.

The calendar on my computer says “You have 2 birthdays in the next 2 weeks.” Nonsense. I know I only get one birthday per year.

This is Emergency Telecommunicators Appreciation Week, or whatever its official name is, which I am not experiencing in person, because I’m on vacation, because Telco Week (Telco! it sounds like a laundry detergent) (or a superhero) falls during Holy Week, as it so often seems to do. Perhaps this is because we are like the voice of God to police officers. (Don’t raise that eyebrow at me, Nick, or I’ll smite you.) But perhaps another appellation would be more apt, as I saw on the Diary of a Mad Dispatcher Facebook page (go there! you’ll be glad you did!)–“911–The Voice in the Dark.” Creepy, huh? But that doesn’t really describe my colleagues on day shift, does it? Perhaps “911–The Voice in Your Head.”


My whole day was thrown off last week because the green turtleneck I’d planned to wear turned out to be dirty, so I had to wear my other turtleneck (the line it was drawn, the curse it was cast, I’d already planned on wearing a turtleneck and THERE WAS NO GOING BACK), which was purple, but the socks I had on were green to match the first turtleneck, and THERE WASN’T TIME TO CHANGE THEM OR I WOULD MISS THE BUS.


–Sign at McDonald’s: “Good Friday Special–$100 Egg and Cheese Biscuit.” Yes, I think paying $100 for a biscuit would be penitential. No, I did not avail myself of this special, because it would involve being awake before 10:30, and WHAT ARE YOU THINKING OF?

–A guy on a red scooter with his red jacket streaming out behind him like a cape. Another superhero–Red Scooter Man! His arch-nemesis–Yellow Scooter Man! (Rom, who is so ate up about safety that he bought a yellow scooter and wears yellow or orange when he’s on it, even though these are his least favorite colors). {let us all pause while I try to figure out how to punctuate a sentence fragment} Rom leads a double life–he also has a criminal identity, Dogbite McBride, and his Red Shirt Gang. Maybe I could write a comic book on this topic, too. I got a head full of ideas that are driving me insane! If you start me up, I’ll never stop, never never never stop–ahem.

Our next door neighbors are having an Easter party and setting off fireworks, which are intended, I suppose, to scare Jesus back into the tomb. Did you know that if he comes out of the tomb and sees his shadow, we’ll have 6 more weeks of winter?