Crisis In Progress: The Hits Just Keep On Comin’

by pjmcbride

–A man walked into a piercing parlor and passed out, with a piece of pizza in his mouth. Hope he wasn’t planning on getting his tongue pierced.

–A guy called in drunk yelling for the police, and his drunk friend in the background was yelling, “Don’t be bringing trouble out here!” But that’s what we do.

–Commercial for a local attorney: “Getting arrested doesn’t have to be scary!” Good to know, I suppose, although I’m reasonably sure I’ll never be arrested.


…would be if a reckless driver, who was all over the road, skidded on a solid sheet of ice, and sheared off a pole.


cooter-head, from the Southern use of the word “cooter” to mean a turtle: a turtle-head-shaped tuft of hair in the middle of a balding man’s head.

turtle-painter, from the TV show “My Name Is Earl”: a fool. Taken from a scene in which Earl’s ex-wife encounters Earl and his friend Crab Man painting a turtle’s shell. They get into an argument about politics, and she says, “I ain’t gonna let a couple of turtle-painters tell me how to vote.” You know, now that I think of it, I know a couple of turtle-painters with cooter-heads.