Orders and Instructions

by pjmcbride

From his bed of pain, Nick instructs you that any talk about my involvement in his injury is WILD SPECULATION. (I added the caps–he is incapable of shouting in his current state.) I’m guessing he’s been  giving his owner a good deal of aggravation, especially since he can’t be kept chained up in the yard as usual, in his delicate condition.

Oh, oh, I forgot! Remember that my fortune cookie said “You are about to receive a big compliment”? Well, KatClaire wrote COMPLIMENT on 2 big sheets of paper and handed it to me! So I’m not “desperate and pathetic” like Nick said, RIGHT, Nick? You can just nod; you don’t need to speak.

There are, at present, 2 different couples on the lots of East Side businesses, claiming they have to travel out of town for a family emergency and need gas money. Somehow I question the veracity of their stories.

Child playing on 911: “Yes, I have an emergency. I’m pooping and need toilet paper.” They hung up before I could provide further instructions.

In other news, the address labels I ordered came in a box marked “CURRENT RESIDENT.” Really? I guess Current Resident could just cut my name off the top of each one. Or I could change my name to Current Resident.

World Leader Edicts:

–“Pre-Black Friday sales” are hereby banned as unseemly.

–5, or, so help me, 6-bladed razors are banned as unnecessary.

Hot fortune cookies being folded around paper ...

Hot fortune cookies being folded around paper fortunes. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)