Festival Follies, Day 2–Of Beards & Kangaroos
First and most importantly, I would like to apologize to anyone who was disappointed by my no-show at the Festival today. I’m guessing that my lack of social skills is no surprise by now. This is not an excuse, just an explanation.
I have referred in the past briefly to Officer M.K. and his beard. This was a pioneering beard in the Police Department’s facial-hair program. Turns out that this beard has been referred to on a local online forum, with one citizen mentioning that it featured in her romantic dreams. Officer M.K. reports that he believes this comment was posted by a subject in a kangaroo costume who posed with him for a picture at the festival. So a kangaroo is dreaming about a police officer’s beard. Business as usual at the festival. Speaking of which, I like the way officers refer to their “tactical beards.” You know, if they rub them against a suspect, it will cause an incapacitating rash.
L.L. took a complaint about a groundhog in a back yard. She attempted in vain to explain that it would go away if they ignored it. They insisted that someone come out to take care of it. You know, because of the epidemic of groundhogs attacking children that I just made up.
Let’s begin and end with an apology, shall we? The new carpet is not even completely installed, and I’ve already maculated its purity. I was attempting to juggle a number of items (figuratively, not literally–juggling is an invention of the Evil Clown), and got 2 drops of yogurt on it.