Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign
…but before getting into our subject matter, let’s deal with what’s most on my mind at the moment. I received a message from the owner of the Beast. She knows Nick well, having housebroken him, and trained him to sleep on the floor by her bed. And she said, “You should see the big grin on his face while he reads your last post!” Her expert opinion was that this grin did not bode well. Does he know something I don’t? WELL, DOES HE? Sorry to yell, but I NEED TO KNOW! Sorry again. Does he perhaps have some connection with higher-ups–some favor given or received–that would make them happy to, dare I say, arrange things? (wiping my brow) Well, no point losing sleep about something that’s unlikely to happen, right? On to our title track…
–Sign on the door of the Post Office: “Thanks for visiting! Remember you can also use our website!” Secret meaning: “…and help us lay more people off!”
–Sign on box of McDonald’s pumpkin pie, to which I have become addicted: “Bursting with flavor, baked with love!” Seriously? That’s it–I’m going to start ending all my calls at work with “Love you, bye.”
Billboard at Franklin & Wabash: “Get your ‘It’s More Fun When You Do It With Friends!’ badge!” Where do I sign up? And how does one obtain these “friends”?