“911? You’re %!*&# Awesome! %!*&# Off!”

by pjmcbride

I cannot take credit for today’s title. It was said to me by a caller, but my colleagues found it amusing for some reason, so here it is. Which kind of describes this entire blog, doesn’t it? (“Yeah, except that some days, there it isn’t,” they mutter.) (I actually just had to devote a moment to figuring out how to italicize something when the sentence is already in italics. Brain imploding in 3…2…1…)

And why did I deserve the above accolade? Because I couldn’t, and therefore wouldn’t, transfer said caller to 911 in Alabama, so that they, like me, could refuse to arrest the guy who someone told her had a warrant, even though she didn’t know his date of birth. (By the way, if you’re ever in this position, screaming, “I KNOW HIS NAME IS BRADLEY EVANS!”  a second time even louder will not replace knowing the numeric information.) (“In this position” = knowing someone with a warrant, not having one yourself. If you have a warrant, I recommend turning yourself in immediately. Be sure to know your date of birth.) Therefore, I forced the caller to call 411 to get the number of the police department in Whatever, Alabama, which is really more than she should have been expected to undertake. Believe it or not, 911 is not some national network that can connect you to 911 in any other part of the country. At least not until we get those non-union minimum-wage national dispatching companies everyone is dreaming of.

You know, it’s not easy being this sarcastic.

In other news, a guy needed an ambulance because he got a cockroach stuck in his ear. (“I can’t imagine it was easy for the roach, either,” Rom said.) The calltaker reported that the patient kept saying “Ouch!” Patients are a whiny lot. You can tell because ambulance personnel are always saying, “Patient is complaining of chest pain/inability to breathe/roach impaction, etc.” One wants to say, “I’ll give you something to complain about!”

You know, I sat down here thinking, I’m cranky and have nothing to say, but I was only half right!

Location of state of XY (see filename) in the ...

Location of state of XY (see filename) in the United States (Photo credit: Wikipedia)