Not Insane, Cont.

by pjmcbride

Notice What Looks Like the "McDonald's&qu...

Notice What Looks Like the “McDonald’s” Double Arch Logo on the Top of this Cicada (Photo credit: sameold2010)

McDonald’s was getting a new sign from the Custom Sign Co. of Newburgh. I’m picturing the customization process–“We’d like it to have a couple golden arches, and at the bottom say ‘Billions and Billions Sold’.” The first McD’s sign I saw as a kid in 1967 said, “Over a Million Sold.” I wonder at what point they stopped counting.


Lynbob, do NOT jeopardize your Facebook standing on my account. And I will pay you your 15% as soon as I get my 15% from Nick, for making him a legend in his own mind.


I saw an ad for a drug to treat low testosterone levels. The guy was shown being a couch potato, compared to his former manly self. The grueling masculine activity he formerly engaged in was PLAYING GOLF. Really? Takes a lot out of you, does it? Well, does it, Nick? I’ve seen those pictures on Facebook. (No, it doesn’t constitute stalking. We’ve been over this before.) Nick, I challenge you to a game of mini-golf at Howell Park, where I have kicked ass on a couple of occasions.


I know I’ll regret bringing up the next topic, and yet somehow I must. (You’ve probably figured out by now that I do most things as the result of compulsions. I didn’t get the stamp on straight on the last bill I mailed, and it troubled me until the next thing came along that troubled me, which was probably that I realized the label on my shirt had been sticking out all day. Sure, I tucked it back in, but even Thornton’s can’t give me back the time I spent with it sticking out. The matter of the stamp was even worse, because I couldn’t pry it off and start over. Trust me, I’ve tried. All this is the price one pays for refusing to take medication.)


ANYWAY, Lenny Bruce once said that a great way to get a conversation started at a party is to ask a group of people if they’ve ever urinated in the sink. (That wasn’t the verb he used, by the way.) I tried this tactic once, and almost everyone had a bizarre hilarious story. I’ve actually found that police officers have some of the best stories along this line. Just try asking one if he ever needed an emergency uniform change. So, in the name of entertainment, I ask you: Share your weirdest experience with getting sick or having to use the bathroom. (Rom will get to this point and say, “Are you insane?” Refer to title of this post.)