Mildly Amusing Adventures of the Purest Ray Serene

by pjmcbride

Rain days

Rain days (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

First of all, my most humble thanks to the lovely Lynbob, who is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. I can haz publicist? I would never call myself “the poet laureate of Dispatch,” (though I would post it here for you all to see) but, well…OK, I don’t know what to say!

Enough blushing and stammering. On to adventure! My companions on this day’s bus ride were a young woman with a bright pink Mohawk, pink rain poncho, turquoise pants, and a purple backpack with pink and turquoise trim–and a nun. I suppose Your Humble Narrator, as a tattooed Catholic, was the bridge between the two.

Sign on a bus stop bench: “Suicide is real.” Well, I didn’t think it was mythical. Not to make light of a serious topic, but…OK. Yes, I am making light of a serious topic.

Moral Dilemma of the Day: What to do with my large soft drink in the confessional? It seemed somehow presumptuous to bring it in with me (though I sure could have used it–was it hot in there, or was it just me?). I ended up leaving it on the floor in the pews, hopefully out of the way of being kicked by someone. By the way, you gotta admire a church (St Boniface) with a stained-glass window in the restroom.

Moral Failing of the Day: Ironically, on the way to confession, I jaywalked. In front of a police car. I normally don’t jaywalk unless no traffic is coming, but my depth perception is none too good, and I swear, Your Honor, that squad car just appeared out of nowhere! The officer recognized me and waved, but gave me a long-suffering look, as if to say, Must you? In front of me and everything? Compounding matters, I forgot to mention it in confession.

But I am running wild in the streets, because Nick is out of town playing Army for two weeks, instead of guarding my house like he normally gets paid to do (even though he is the main thing it needs to be guarded from). I shudder to think what he would have done if I had jaywalked in front of his squad car. Hopefully, the Army is keeping him too busy to keep up with these posts. I think my admitting breaking the law here doesn’t legally constitute a confession, since, for all anyone knows, I could be making it up.

Speaking of made-up stuff, doesn’t “Foxy Lady and Conspiracy Cat vs. the Union Suit and the Baby Corn” have graphic novel written all over it? Bad graphic novel, maybe, but still.