Games Without Frontiers
Conspiracy Cat here, welcoming you to Games Without Frontiers–all the news you need to know, and none I don’t want you to know.
Remember the news item I said yesterday was not connected to The Conspiracy? Well, turns out–IT IS! RaBecca has indicated that from now on, she would like to be called Foxy Lady. And so she shall! Because nothing is too good for Our Founder, don’t you agree? And if you don’t agree–Nick, you know what to do. I’m picturing her at our rallies in a T-shirt that has “Foxy Lady” in, of course, scratchy glitter lettering, plus, of course, oversize sunglasses. Hair-flipping is optional, but encouraged.
However, this raises the troubling question–was the Foxy Lady whose phone dialed 911 none other than the Foxy Lady herself? It would be quite a blow if the person who collaborated with me on the lyrics to “Lock Your Keypad” (to the tune of “Rock the Casbah”) had, in fact, failed to lock her own keypad. I’m not angry, just disappointed. And, occasionally, dissipated. But not very often.
A game to play on the parking lot of a business–try to figure out which person inside the business belongs to which vehicle on the lot. Who has the gold Mustang convertible? Who has the pickup truck with the bumper sticker “Powered by Haters”? Who has the decal of Calvin urinating on something, and will I get in trouble if I go inside and smack them?
A traffic game Rom and I like to play–notice which business names sound like front organizations for the CIA–the ones that are so generic, you can’t figure out what the business actually does, so it has to be a spy organization. “Johnson Controls.” (What do they control?) “Research Systems.” (Again, what is being researched? Interrogation techniques?) “American Corrugated” is fairly obvious–meeting all your corrugation needs, whether sheet metal or cardboard–but “Panther Expedited Services” sounds like the kind of services Nick provides, which could indeed be expedited if necessary. Hmm, there is something panther-like in the way he prowls around a room.
A game to enliven a slow shift at Dispatch (non-slow shifts have a way of enlivening themselves)–Word of the Day. Pick an unlikely word, and everyone try to work it into a phone call or air transmission. I remember 3rd shift had “Christmas spirit” one December night (technically two words, but a single concept, so I’ll allow it).
In other news, former dispatcher and current FanBase member Brigette Renee (did I remember it correctly? or, for that matter, spell it correctly?) had cause to call 911 recently, having observed a drunk fall off his scooter numerous times. (Apparently he knew he was going to, because he wore a high-visibility orange T-shirt–always good when you’re going to be spending time lying in the road.) She recognized my voice, although I did not recognize hers (and I was negligent in my duties and didn’t ask for her name), and later posted that she would have said, “I’m a fan of the blog!” but was afraid it would freak me out. Hey, if I suspected anyone who doesn’t know me personally was a fan of the blog, I would freak out, although I’m not sure what form freaking out takes in my case. I can see it now–in a trailer park or an underground military installation, the statement is uttered–“There’s an insane person on the Internet!” (This blog was actually looked at once by someone in Australia and once by someone in Belgium. Presumably they’d thought “Scratchy Glitter” had something to do with crafts, since they never returned.)
I will leave you now (at last, they sigh) with two Thoughts for the Day:
–“Duct tape is silver, and silence is golden.” (You see the cause-and-effect sequence here.) –courtesy of Kat whose-middle-name-I-don’t-know-or-I-would-use-it-here
–“You need to know the rules before you can shirk them effectively.” –courtesy of someone whose name I won’t reveal, lest he get in trouble.