Morticia & Nicholas Against the Conspiracy

by pjmcbride

English: The skyline of Evansville, Indiana.

English: The skyline of Evansville, Indiana. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Nick told me that he would be afraid to look into my windows too closely (he’s already looked into them from across the street) because of what he might see. I wanted to ask exactly what he meant, but the contents of his imagination are best left unexamined. I will say that someone once said about my house, “This place looks like the Addams Family lives here.”

But Nick and I are agreed on one thing (besides our mutual detestation of mushrooms)–that the sudden and inexplicable (well, to us) failure of the traffic lights all over Evansville during the evening rush hour on May 28th could only have been a conspiracy. Someone–terrorists, aliens, zombies (well, probably not zombies–they’re not smart enough)–caused all the lights to fail in order to almost cause accidents all over town and clog up the 911 lines with calls by frantic citizens, each convinced that their own pet intersection needed an officer to direct traffic because people are too stupid to treat it as a 4-way stop. “Are you going to wait until someone gets killed before you send police out here?” Yes. That’s exactly what I’m going to do.

And Nick was not lulled into complacency by the fact that the traffic engineer was able to fix this situation quickly and easily, apparently by flipping some big red switch at Traffic Central Command. (“He turned the computer off and then back on,” offered Rom, which makes as much sense as anything.) He would have been even more disturbed (ever-vigilant beast that he is) by the fact that, LATER THAT SAME NIGHT, 911 calls started mysteriously coming in on non-emergency phone lines. That certainly beats the busy signals some people have been getting when they call 911 lately, but still. Who knows what form the Conspiracy will take tomorrow. Nick pointed out that there were no traffic light problems west of St Joe. So the Conspiracy is probably based on the West Side. Don’t look at me, I can barely handle turning a computer off and back on.

Now see, I was thinking how I might promote this blog to increase readership. I basically live my life backed into a corner, so ideas along promotional lines are slow in coming. Maybe one of the 911 professional websites might like to link to it? I doubt it. Those people seem painfully earnest, and this thing is, well, just painful. What it is not is The Voice of Public Safety Telecommunications. Let’s just call it The Voice of My Web of Terror. The Web of Terror Vs. The Conspiracy! I see comic-book potential! Well, I would if I could draw, anyway.