Crisis in Progress Resumes, and All Are Glad

by pjmcbride

Screenshot of Necronomicon by Fairy Tale

Screenshot of Necronomicon by Fairy Tale (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

…well, all except everyone I’m going to write about.

As Theater of Cruelty resumes, let’s feel sorry for cute little Nick, who had to work a 16-hour shift because he backed his squad car into a pole. (Disclaimer: the above is all true except for the word “because.”  I mention this so he won’t bring up slander and lawsuits, as he has been known to do.)

…”Subjects who appear intoxicated are hitting items in the trash with a sledgehammer.” Well, why not?

–“What number do I call to get 911?” Maybe the one you just dialed?

Fractured fairy tale:

–A 2-year-old girl is pulled out of the street by the man who almost hit her with his truck. The mother is discovered inside the nearby Taco John’s. An infant, likewise unattended, is discovered inside her car. The mother reveals that she is from out of state, and came here to rendezvous with a man she met on the Internet. Said man drives up as she is being handcuffed for felony child neglect. Upon being informed that his love interest is being arrested, he slinks off into the night. In the words of Sgt. J.E. (you know, the guy who pulled me out of the street after almost hitting me with his car), “It is unknown whether there will be another date.”

Fractured fairy tale #2, with thanks to my 1st-shift informant: A notorious meth user called 911, and requested a certain officer respond to her house. When told said officer was not available, she said, “Well, what about that cute little Officer Nicholas C.? {I omit his last name to protect, well, me.} He’s so nice! Is he married?” My informing Nick of this led to incredulous spluttering and insinuating that I’d made it up. Dear beast, there was no need.

Notice to circling seniority vultures: I did not, in fact, expire from the expired yogurt I consumed the other day.