Maycation Day 11: It’s National Crime Victims Week!

by pjmcbride

Sherlock Holmes in "The Adventure of the ...

Sherlock Holmes in “The Adventure of the Cardboard Box.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

…and I celebrated by becoming one!

I picked up a big flat-rate box at the post office. I carried it with me from Wabash to St Joe, and leaned it against the counter while I ordered my food. I glanced down and it was gone. So…

To Whoever Stole My Cardboard Box:

Sure, I didn’t pay anything for it either, but after you helped yourself to it, I had to walk back from St Joe to Wabash to pick up another one. Then back again. And remember {I’m assuming petty criminals are regular readers here–what do I always tell you, JUST PLAY ALONG!} what I said about hoping I got caught out in the rain to rinse the Diet Coke out of my umbrella? Well, I’d have preferred that rain NOT to have occurred while I was also holding a large cup of more Diet Coke and wrestling a big flat piece of cardboard IN THE WIND, KTHXBYE! And I couldn’t see where I was going, because I had to angle the umbrella in front of me (headed into said wind, impeding my forward progress) to keep the rain off. And my nose started running, and I couldn’t do anything about it because my hands were full. (And I was wearing my Runs With Scissors sweatshirt, for that added comic relief the world needs.) So I was basically an ambulatory disaster area, but of course that is of no importance compared to your need to get something for no effort whatsoever. It’s a good thing I didn’t see you take it, because I have a short fuse about that sort of thing, and someone would have gotten hurt. It would probably have been me, but someone would have. But the officer who works this beat is a friend of mine, and he would have come out and arrested, well, someone.

Speaking of which, I’m returning to work tomorrow. Don’t anyone tell Nick. I want it to be a surprise!