Theater of Cruelty: Cruel and Unusual Nick

by pjmcbride

English: Many dry cleaners place cleaned cloth...

English: Many dry cleaners place cleaned clothes inside thin clear plastic garment bags. Español: Prendas en el interior de una tintorería. עברית: מסוע חשמלי עליו תולים את הכביסה הנקייה. हिन्दी: शुष्क धुलाई किये हुए कपड़े. Türkçe: Kuru temizleyicide asılı elbiseler. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

…or perhaps “cruel and usual.” At any rate, there has been a dearth of ideas around here lately, so I’m having to resort to creative whining. Item #1 on that agenda would be that Nick, a/k/a Officer Unfriendly, sent me a message saying, “It’s a Canton Inn night. Jealous?” because HE KNOWS I am, like, chained to my desk, and have to eat while I work, all because I was too much of a coward to become a police officer like he is. And he sent that message at 1557 Central Daylight Time, thereby causing me to think longingly of Chinese food for the next 7 HOURS. Think on it well, Nick, the next time you have to ask your favorite dispatcher, who I am sure is me, permission to go eat at all. Because you know I’ll be thinking of it.

Yes, we’re sick and twisted. But he started it, back when he was a dispatcher. I used to think, Why is this guy bothering me? I’m just sitting in the corner, and I don’t even talk!

In other news (**scraping bottom of barrel, looking for scraps of material**), we had a call of a guy armed with a hammer. All together: If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning, I’d hammer in the evening, hammer out justice, danger, etc.

Also, a dry cleaner employee called saying, “Our delivery guy is bleeding like he just got stabbed {or pounded with a hammer!} and took off in the dry cleaning van.” There’ s a first time for everything. Guess he doesn’t get paid sick leave and couldn’t call  in stabbed.

Disposition on a noise run: “Intoxicated subjects talking loudly and painting.” Wonder what they thought of the paint job when they sobered up.

If I had a hammer, I’d call in stabbed. OK, even making sense is asking too much of me.